


letting your hands go

by BubbleCherry



Series: walking through nightmares [2]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-23 14:19:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14935925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BubbleCherry/pseuds/BubbleCherry
Summary: i wish this is just a nightmare i could wake up from.





	letting your hands go

 

 

seungkwan lifelessly stares at the beautiful sun setting down the horizon while the blue and purple hues slowly takes over the empty sky. he reminisces on the days when he was a children, when his teacher would always tell him-in her soft and angelic voice, that everyone has their own special place.

every single human being has their own place where they can heal themselves, think about life, and where they can recreate memories.

 

for seungkwan, his special place is this beautiful hill.

 

this hill that gives him so much memories to remember.

  


he remembers the first time he had took a step on this beautiful land, taking in the breathtaking night scenery ahead of him while holding the person who has decided to show him this hidden place.

 

this is where mingyu had brought him when the latter was still persuading seungkwan into dating him. he remembers how the older has put so much effort into making this place even more beautiful than it already is by surrounding christmas lights onto the metal railings, and even going all the way out to catch fireflies just so he could release them into the night where it’s soft warm glow sliced through the dark atmosphere. he recalls mingyu looking at him worriedly, as if he’s unsure if his plans was a success or not.

 

he remembers reassuring him with a chaste kiss on the lips.

 

and the night went on with their hands intertwined with one another.

 

_don’t ever let your memories bring_

_you sorrow._

  


seungkwan lets out an airy laugh, loving the way he remembers it so clearly like it just happened yesterday. he took his left hand out of his pocket and lifted his hand up in the sky. the silver ring that was placed on his finger burned his whole body, but he chose to keep wearing it. even if the ring doesn’t hold as much meaning anymore.

  


two months ago, mingyu finally asked him to marry him. after almost eleven years of friendship, not including the times they dated, he finally asked the big question. seungkwan was in the tallers arms when it happened, and he just blurted those words so suddenly that the younger couldn’t believe him for a moment. it didn’t took him long though to realize that mingyu was actually serious, and instead of answering his question verbally, he had cried while nodding his head a few times before burying his face on mingyu’s shoulder.

 

mingyu was happy.

 

he was happy.

 

and one week after that event, seungkwan decided to be the cheesy romantic one and brought mingyu to this hill, asking him properly with two rings laid out on the palm of his hands. the taller smiled warmly and placed the ring on his finger, then placed the other into seungkwan’s.

 

then less than a week after that, mingyu started to become distant.

 

he started spacing out more whenever he’s with seungkwan. the younger sometimes has to repeat his words, because mingyu would be so out of it that he won’t be able to process what he was saying.

 

seungkwan’s big mistake is letting the situation progress. he did not pester mingyu for answers on what was troubling him. he lets the older ponder on his thoughts, because seungkwan thought that it was the best for him since mingyu usually likes to solve his problems by himself.

 

he shouldn’t have let him do that. he should’ve asked.

 

he should’ve asked why mingyu was starting to come home less. should’ve asked why he always turns his back whenever they sleep together. he should have asked, but he didn’t.

  


_reached my hands out_

_for you who i can’t see no more._

  


seungkwan’s hand falls to his side when he hears footsteps approaching him and knew who it belonged to. he turns his body slowly to the direction of the sound, preparing himself for what’s about to come next.

 

mingyu stops on his tracks and stands in front of seungkwan, leaving some space between them. the taller was wearing his long grey coat and his bangs almost covered his eyes entirely. he looked like a mess, but he still looks like the most charming person in the younger’s eyes. seungkwan fought the urge to caress his face and run his thumb on the olders eye bags like how he usually does whenever mingyu’s tired from a long day of work. he fought the urge to run his hands through his soft hair, to kiss his forehead until he sees him laugh. he fought the urge to touch him, because he didn’t want to hold onto something that he can’t let go. he didn’t want to touch something that he can’t have anymore.

 

they stood there just staring at each other for a while. there wasn’t tension in the air, it wasn’t awkward. it was just silence, but it wasn’t a comfortable one either.

 

seungkwan smiles at mingyu who still had the same dull expression on his face. “hey” he greets.

 

mingyu didn’t say anything back, instead he took both his hands out of his pockets and proceeds to take the ring off his finger. seungkwan just watches him, the bitter smile stayed on his lips. mingyu walks over to the younger and held his hand like he was porcelain glass. seungkwan loved his gentle touch, but hated it at the same time.

 

“i’m sorry.” he apologizes, opening seungkwan’s palm as he does so and giving him the ring. “i’m so sorry, seungkwan.” mingyu then pulls his former lover into a warm embrace that the younger will surely cherish for the rest of his life.

 

“it’s okay, hyung. i understand. it happens.” seungkwan didn’t reciprocate the older’s embrace and opted to just clench his fists instead. his nails digging deep into his skin so he can focus on that stinging pain he is feeling on his hands, rather than the withering of his own beating heart. “you fell out of love. it’s totally understandable.” he could feel mingyu tighten his embrace, and his head rests on the crook of his neck.

 

seungkwan took this opportunity to breath his scent in one last time.

 

the smell of home.

 

his home.

 

even if mingyu doesn’t find that on him anymore.

  


_why are you holding me like you’re not_

_the first one to let go._

  


“i’m so sorry.” mingyu relinquishes his hold, and seungkwan feels like a part of him came a long with the older as he lets go.

 

seungkwan couldn’t reassure him anymore. he couldn’t say ‘it’s okay. don’t be sorry’. he couldn’t say anything, because he knows himself. he knows his voice will crack, he’ll start crying and he will even go to his knees just to beg the older to not go. to not leave him.

 

and that’s the thing that he doesn’t want to do the most. seungkwan doesn’t want to burden mingyu any longer.

 

seungkwan wants him to be free without looking back and feeling guilty.

 

so he just watches him walk away, with two rings on his hands that seems to burn him as he holds onto it tighter.

 

he watches the best thing that has ever happened to his life slowly disappear from his sight.

  


_i wish this is just a nightmare i could wake up from._  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> another short fic.
> 
> there will be a last part for this!  
> so yes haha
> 
> aaaaa sorry
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> chat with me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/nctwigg?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw)
> 
> and check out my blog on [tumblr](https://nctwig.tumblr.com?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw)


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